Feeling Old Before My Time

A couple of weeks ago I turned 21 in the space of that month I finished my second year of university (eek) and began my dissertation research for the summer. My first thought was I'm getting old. In a years time I will have finished uni and be moving even further away from my home town and family to have my own place, to get a real job. How scary! I'm literally so nervous my university experience has just flown by me so fast, I've also got myself a part time job finally! as I've realised yet again I cannot afford this student life and buy pretty make-up and clothes.

Anyway my point of this post is that I genuinely feel like I've aged. over the past few weeks I've found myself saying no to going out with friends for a few drinks or even to my SU (which isn't the best) I've kind of reverted back to how I used to be before i started uni. As I'm sure many people do, I hate hangovers I hate the feeling of them I hate that I feel sorry for myself despite it being brought on all by myself so if
I do go out I literally have a couple of drinks so I'm what I call 'Happy drunk' where I'm comfortable with where I am and can have a laugh, however at the same time I often find myself leaving nights out early. I mean I literally stay in a bar or wherever for say an hour maybe a bit more and think "Nahh Kat just go home" and I do, granted I usually go back with my boyfriend as I genuinely have a better time at home watching films chilling in bed than being out. My main question to myself is What's wrong with me? am I old now? I'm in my 20s I should be going out and enjoying life not turning down opportunities.

I spoke to my mum about it and she suggested I was unhappy..? but in all honesty I'm happier than I was this time last year. I have a new fabulous boyfriend who is awesome! I live with my two best friends I just nailed a job interview for a place I've always wanted to work and I'm studying what I love and am passionate about (Granted grades could be better.. Damn you UCA) but my point is I'm at a time in my life where I am really happy, so why the ageing or even the boredom I often find myself feeling when it comes to doing things a young 20 something should be enjoying? The only thing I can think of is that the small town I reside in for my university just isn't quite as exciting in terms of 'student nights' as I'd once thought or hoped it would be, I'm not from a huge city but a seaside town where it's always busy and never mind the weather, there is always something to do and is student friendly, this is honestly the only thing I can think of which is making me feel this way. I'm being sucked in to the small town I now live in and being made an older woman when I should be in my prime and I'm bored. So very bored.

Ergh how drab do I sound? I make it out like I don't have fun. It's not that it's just the whole going out thing... I guess I'm finding it a little over rated and finding the little things in life to do are just much more interesting to me. I know this post must bore most people but I needed somewhere to vent my opinions and I guess my little spot on the internet seemed like the right place to go, maybe some people feel the same and I'm not alone in feeling like an elder lady in my young age. In my stead I am determined to get my mojo back, is that the right word? I'm not so sure but I'm still going to use it anyway. I want to do more things with my holidays like going into London (I love playing tourist) and go out for day trips to places near by and even do what I seem to not love right now and go out for a few nights out with my friends kind of get back on track before my busy and final year of university.

Okay I'm going to stop there before I get too carried away.. If you've ever felt like this please let me know. Then I know I'm not going insane or that I'm not alone in going through this phase, I hope this wasn't too much of a bore for you guys I know this is slightly different from what I usually write but I think that's a good thing. I think my blog could do with a little more variety in it, and it feels good to vent through my blog and not driving my boyfriend and friends crazy.

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